Good day. I am in a very deplorable state, because I haven’t slept all night and am very worried.
I’ll go from afar. My girlfriend and I are very different. She is polygamous - and, as she admitted, she doesn’t need sex, and she would have managed to meet other men with kisses and hugs. I am monogamous and for me even such a concession involves great moral sacrifices. In addition, our relationship is wonderful - for the year we never quarreled over a petty occasion, never raised our voices at each other, we meet 3-4 times a week and we have amazing dates, she never stops saying that I’m the best guy who when or she had it. Nevertheless, a month ago, the problem of her polygamy came up again - we had a fight and she activated her profile on a dating site, we were on the verge of breaking up.
Nevertheless, we decided to work on our problems. We decided to continue to meet as if nothing had happened and once a week to meet for a serious conversation. We made a large list of questions about how we see our future in marriage, exchanged answers, and began to discuss these answers. We gave ourselves 3 months to solve our problems, which could be extended if visible progress was achieved. We also agreed not to break off relations even with a serious reason, but to give each other at least two weeks to cool down to make the right decision, during these two weeks we agreed not to do anything that would hurt the partner. She refused to delete the profile on the dating site, promising not to go there.
I had thoughts about how to give her what she wants and to expand her framework a little for her own sake, but these plans were not destined to come true since an incredibly powerful blow came from her. Three months ago, she dragged me into a strip club (I didn’t resist very much, but I didn’t feel comfortable — nevertheless, I said that I liked everything and that she was more beautiful than all these girls). A month and a half ago, she told me that she was thinking about becoming a stripper and asked what I think about it - I exploded, which caused our quarrel. This work is contrary to my moral principles, in addition, I believe that naked bodies are part of our intimate relationship with her, and I do not want hundreds of men to see her without clothes and touch her (the business model of these clubs is such that the dance with a pole - it's just advertising, and girls get real money for private dances, so they have to literally sell themselves to customers)
She is in a difficult (but not critical) financial condition due to the availability of loans for studies and a car, which, coupled with rent and other expenses, smoothly drowns her. Everything could be decided if she found a new job (she was fired from the previous one - the manager was rude to her, she, not following my advice, complained to the director, who seemed to say that she would settle everything, but in the end allowed the manager to dismiss her, since her word against the manager’s was not quoted), the search for a new job dragged on for 3 months, although she has a higher education and good experience.
Tonight I wrote to her and asked what she ate for dinner - I just prepared a lot of goodies. She said that she didn’t eat anything and that she would be home only by midnight. Nevertheless, I arrived and brought her food. She was made up - my heart skipped a beat. We went into the room - she wanted to tell me something. I’m already sick, I asked if this was connected with the work of a stripper. She answered yes. I didn’t go into details, but she went to an audition in the strip club where we were, danced naked in front of a crowd of men and gave private dances - in general, the full program - said that she had earned a lot of money (twice as much on an hourly basis than she could earn in the office).
I consider this a betrayal, as she deliberately did what she knew would make me very upset. She did not say a word about this to me, despite the fact that on the eve we had two dates (she planned this two days before). Thinking a little, she agreed that she should have told me, but this does not change the fact that you can’t do what was done and that a tremendous blow was inflicted on trust. In addition, she did not change her mind about the continuation, Her position is that I should love her the way she is, because she loves me the way I am. I find this very selfish. She said that she appreciates our relationship very much and would like to stay with me, but from her actions it follows that in the clash of her and my interests, she will always do as she believes.
Despite my broken feelings, I worry about her. She says that for her it's just a fantasy and that she will never cross the line by trying drugs or taking money for sex, but I believe that this nightlife will greatly change her. Moreover, having gained access to easy money, she will become more lazy about her work (which is already noticeable, since she is looking for work too slowly - maybe she was counting on this backup plan all the time). She says that the Project Manager will find normal work, but it seems to me that the work of a stripper will put her a lot of sticks in the wheels and will not allow her to build a normal career - who will respect the Project Manager who can give a private dance to any employee? She lives with her mother and her mother, although she earns a lot, does not help her financially and, although she does not consider work as a stripper a better idea, generally treats this with restraint.
In general, I am terribly upset and think about a break, although I love her and it drives me crazy. But even if we part, I will always feel that during the relationship with me this modest and sweet girl became a stripper - I’m afraid that this can cause me serious trauma (in my head ideas like: “love is always a pain in the end , and to become happy, love must be avoided ”). I really wish her happiness and success and want to help tear her out of this abyss before she swallows her (when she is invited to dance the next time is not yet known, but this can happen soon),
Need your help. Please analyze our situation and tell me how to be. How to save her? How to save yourself? Is it possible to maintain a relationship?
Author's supplement of 1/12/16 7:58:24 PM
Many accuse me that the girl has financial problems, and I do not help - not a man.
- she doesn’t take my money, so even if I find a side job and keep both of them, this is not an option
- I can’t cover her stripper’s salary (they earn a lot)
- I work and have a personal project that can soon bring good passive income
- she can find a job (even better than mine), but she is looking for her, in my opinion, lazily
Problem 1: striptease against my moral principles and it’s terribly bad for me to imagine her doing this
Problem 2: she did this without telling me in connection with which huge damage was done in trust, which is incredibly important if my goal is to gain confidence in her and humility with her profession
How to start a relationship with a stripper?
The beginning of a relationship with a girl is an exciting moment. Especially when the work of the same girl raises questions. And in addition to your own desire, you have to pay attention to the opinions of others. There are enough prejudices about women dancing around the pole. And if a man still decided to meet with a stripper, then they (about prejudice) should be forgotten. Otherwise, the woman simply will not “open up”, show what she really is.
Strippers are not prostitutes. In most cases, these are absolutely decent normal women who do strip plastic surgery either of their own volition to achieve a specific goal, or temporarily in connection with the current situation. Many girls pay their bills in this way. They look to the future and are well aware that after 30-35 years they are unlikely to be engaged in striptease. Also, women can earn in the club to buy food for children, families, pay bills for school, treatment. There are a lot of reasons, so you should not believe previously established stereotypes and behave incorrectly in their presence.
Girls who perform on stage are not deprived of attention either at the workplace or beyond. If the man is the owner, then you should not even start a relationship with a stripper. Also, do not rely on the fact that for the sake of the guy strip-girl will change his place of work, or his beliefs. There are two options: either the man resigns himself to this fact, or this girl does not suit him.
Different strip clubs have different types of women. Striptease can deal with both young girls and older ladies. The more elite the entertainment venue, the more chances to meet worthy, educated, educated strippers. Outside the workplace, these are very open, sociable girls.
For a better acquaintance with a stripper, you need to come to the bar in the first hours of the institution's opening. There are no visitors as such. Girls tune in to work, talk among themselves. At this time, you can make an attempt to meet.
Girls of this profession no longer pay attention to the rude, vulgar treatment of men. The guy should make it clear that his intentions are serious. No need to consider the body of a woman. Comments and compliments are also not needed. A simple conversation is a much better occasion to meet you. Girls always have a desire to talk, to tell some interesting story. The ability to listen, to be interested in their life, hobbies, problems will distinguish a man from the crowd of all other clients.
You can pay attention to yourself by tipting the girl. There is no need to order a private performance. And if a man leaves a girl a little more tea than the rest on the stage, he has every chance of being noticed.
Do not stop a woman from earning a living. When the club becomes too “hot” it is better to leave it. Be sure to promise to return the other day. If a girl has the opportunity to approach the man she likes, she will definitely do it. Otherwise, either she already has a man, or she is too busy.
After meeting you, it's time to move on to action. An invitation to a personal meeting is what you need. The girl may not agree. There can be two reasons: either she is careful to get to know the person better, or does not want to meet, but in order not to lose her client, she does not refuse.
So, the woman agreed to go on a date. Around it all the time wealthy men are curling. These are the costs of the profession. To surprise, hook and intrigue the dancer, you need to make a pleasant romantic surprise. Since the man had already talked with the girl before, he should know the circle of her interests and, possibly, one of them coincides. Do not rush into intimate relationships. An unpleasant feature of the profession of a stripper is also the manifestation of the worst qualities of men in her address. In this case, the man must show that for him the first place is not sex, but communication, the desire to know her as a person, as a person.
As mentioned earlier, if a man decided to build a relationship with a stripper, then he should not force her to quit work. The girl will not leave her. This is a monetary job that will help her secure her bright future (pay for her studies and acquire a prestigious job) or get out of an unfavorable situation. It is worth accepting the situation as it is.
Cons Relations with Dancers
Jealousy can be a serious obstacle to lovers. If a girl is engaged in striptease, do not go to her place of work. No man will be pleased to watch his woman wriggle and show her charms to another. A similar situation is with the woman. She may be offended if her young man orders another dancer's dance.
Very often, strippers are looking for a person not for relationships, but for solving their material problems and satisfying domestic needs, they need a man who will provide them. If a man noticed that a girl sees in his face the so-called “daddy”, do not try to build a serious relationship with a stripper. Even with time, she will not change her attitude to this man’s wallet.
Work takes up almost all the girl’s free time. It takes about 12 hours. In addition, she must prepare a costume for the performance on her own. Her work may include tours to different cities. Communication with customers is not always successful. A girl can give everything in full, show all her skills, and the client will leave for tea only 100 rubles. Almost no time for rest and sleep. It is very difficult to fit into the mode of the day of the stripper, because even for the guy you like, she simply may not have enough time.
The benefits of relationships with dancers
An indisputable advantage of relations with strip-girl is her appearance. All friends and acquaintances will envy the graceful forms, the impeccable beauty of a man’s companion. Such girls are moderately "pumped." They are always fresh and well-groomed.
A girl who shows her body on stage should always be in good shape. There is hardly a drop of fat or cellulite on her body. She spends at least 2-3 hours in the gym. The result of such training will be a perfect tummy with cubes and physical fitness is better than that of special forces.
The most long-term investment of strippers is usually investment in their own education. In addition to this appearance. Girls from the strip club are very well versed in psychology. And if a man notices that she understands his desires better than the household, he is caught.
The constant heat of passion can bother a man. Strippers are just like everyone else. Defiant behavior, undisguised emotions - all this is enough for them at work. At home, girls behave normally, like everyone else.
Strip-girl is the most honest of the girls. They do not promise devoted love to the grave. Her personal dance can be bought for 5000 rubles. For a pleasant evening in the coffee shop, she will ask for a fur coat. A man knows in advance why he is spending money. If it happens that feelings appear in such a pair - this is wonderful, if not - there will be an extraordinary beauty accompanied by a man.
The main advantage of each stripper is the absence of bad habits. Harmful hobbies will spoil the girls' physical form, which they “mine” with hard work. Also, bad habits can be a serious obstacle to achieving the girl’s goals. And the main goals are usually moving with the whole family to the capital, buying your own housing, etc.
The opinion of men about relationships with strippers
The progenitor of male and female striptease is considered to be a cancan dance, which originated in France. There was nothing more lecherous and vulgar than this dance. His performers were equated with prostitutes. Since then, the attitude towards girls, which has evolved over the centuries, has changed little.
A survey of the male half of the population showed that most of them would not agree to a relationship with a dancing girl. They motivate this by the fact that the club’s clients always have access to the stripper’s body, you can touch it with your hands. And some of them have intimate relationships with men for an additional fee. It is also believed that strippers sleep with their bosses, with men from their work team. Most of the guys are not ready to part with such stereotypical thinking. Such girls are perceived as ladies for entertainment and joy.
There is also a percentage of those men who believe that “all professions are needed, all professions are equal.” They do not see anything wrong with a stripper. They are considered ordinary girls, of which there are many. Talking about a relationship with a girl, they are not going to rush into the pool with their heads. In the first place are questions of knowing a woman as a person, knowing her values and negative character traits.