Inna Belonozhko answers, 10.10.2011
Vitaliy writes: "Good day!
I can not find a worthy wife. Please tell me how and where to look for a good wife and what advice does the Bible give in finding and choosing a wife? Thanks for the answer".
Peace be with you, Vitaliy!
I will try to give a complete answer with all the depth and breadth of thought.
The Lord, of course, can help you find a wife. But without your participation, nothing will come of it. Previously searched in libraries, now in discos. But is there a "she"? Yes, a virtuous wife is a gift from the Lord, and it is impossible to receive it without doing anything. What is your participation? This is a very serious preparation for marriage, close relations with God, the ability to understand people - those are the resources that God has given us to develop our thinking in the right direction. If this does not happen, then another “matchmaker” appears - the devil, and his task is to make such a pair so that they do not suit each other and suffer. Therefore, the conclusion: comprehend the science of creating a Christian family.
The Lord wants to give His advice, but will do so only at our request. But when asking, Vitaly, it is important to listen to what God says, and not to make up the answer yourself, whatever you want. Speaking of a “worthy” wife, ask yourself such questions as the future spouse:
- What are my motives for getting married? And what are the expectations from marriage?
- Do I realize my responsibility, am I ready for marriage?
- Have you gained practical life skills?
- Have you prepared yourself for the difficulties of family life, am I in good health?
- Do I care about the happiness of my parents?
- Do I trust God, will I study the Bible to find out the will of God regarding matters of life?
There are a lot of beautiful girls. Clever and beautiful. But how to find "your"? You can put it this way: which cannot be “mine”? The one who is disrespectful, loves idleness (lazy), mocks the saint, blasphemes and applies herself to the glass, does not recognize her responsibility to God, does not love and is not afraid of God, and does not know anything about the principles of true righteousness. Like this. Now, probably, is it easier to look for a companion? Or harder? There are certain criteria.
In general, Vitaly, perhaps you pay a lot of attention to the shortcomings of girls, and it seems that you think girls are unworthy for creating a family. Everyone has disadvantages. But learn to see in people that which is good in them. Think positively. This does not mean that you need to marry the first beautiful girl you meet, because she is only kind, for example. You just need to learn to see people with good inclinations, correctly perceive and evaluate them.
When choosing a wife, study her character. Will she be diligent and diligent? Will bring happiness to your home? Is she an economical hostess? Can you rely on her in anything? Can a girl (wife) be around and bear her share of the burden of life and with her influence could ennoble, purify and make her husband happy?
When choosing a life partner, one must proceed from whether this marriage will ensure the best physical, mental and spiritual development of spouses and their children. What does the Bible say? “Who will find a virtuous wife? Her price is higher than pearls” (Proverbs 31:10), “Charity is deceiving and beauty is vain, but a wife who fears the Lord is worthy of praise” (Proverbs 31:30). I advise you to read the entire 31 chapter of Proverbs. And again: “A wise wife will build her house, but a foolish woman will destroy it with her own hands” (Proverbs 14: 1). The instructions to wives and husbands can be read in 1 Peter 3: 1-11 and Ephesians 5: 17-33.
Trust the Lord, work with Him! The Lord will show you a girl who will make you happy, and you - her!
How to choose a husband
He is caring
“Husband give wife due favor, just as wife does to husband” (1 Corinthians 7: 3).
This phrase does not even require further explanation. You want to spend life with a person who will take care of you? Love and care is the first thing that should be in a relationship.
© DepositPhotos He is faithful
“A wife has no authority over her body, but a husband, nor does a husband have authority over his body, but a wife” (1 Corinthians 7: 4).
Loyalty is the best proof of love. After all, this shows that a man appreciates and respects you. Having changed once, can change again. And, believe me, even if you forgave the betrayal, somewhere deep down in your soul you will suspect him. A man should cause peace, and not terrible jealousy and anxiety.
© DepositPhotos He is reliable
“Wives, obey your husbands as the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body” (Ephesians 5:22, 23).
For a wife, a husband is a guide, he leads her through life. If a person is unreliable, do you want to follow him? It is about the fact that the husband should become the head of the family and lead his wife and children to prosperity. You must see and feel that your chosen one can be entrusted with this mission.
© DepositPhotos He takes care of himself
“So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28).
Your chosen one should worry about his state of health. A person who does not care about himself will not be able to take care of others.
© DepositPhotos He respects you
“Who will find a virtuous wife? Her price is higher than pearls, the heart of her husband is confident in her, and he will not be left without profit ”(Proverbs 31:10, 11).
You are a wife, not a servant. Marriage should not interfere with your goals and personal growth. A man must support you in your endeavors, value and respect what you do. If your chosen one is dismissive of your work or hobby, then most likely this is not your man. A good man will develop himself and contribute to the development of the whole family.
© DepositPhotos He appreciates you
“The children get up and please her, the husband, and praises her” (Proverbs 31:28).
All your efforts do not go unnoticed. You deserve to be appreciated and respected by your work. You need a man who will fuel your confidence, and not vice versa.
© DepositPhotos He is patient
It's not that you can sit on a man’s neck and hang his legs. It is simply best to choose a man who will not be rude to you and break down every little thing. Hot-tempered men, no matter how patient you yourself, quickly get out of balance. If you do not need constant debate and disassembly, then you still need to choose a man with a calm temperament.
© DepositPhotos He is a worthy man
“Do Not Be Fooled: Bad Communities Corrupt Good Morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33).
Many women think that they can turn a villain or a drunkard into a decent man with their love and care. But that doesn't work like that. A person can change only when he wants it himself. But if you take on this heavy burden, you risk turning your life into hell and destroying the best in yourself, without having received happiness in return.
© DepositPhotos He is independent
“At the beginning of creation, God created man and woman. Therefore, a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife ”(Mark 10: 6–8).
The thing is that a man should not be dependent on his parents. Neither financially nor morally. After all, you hardly want all decisions to be agreed with his parents, and after that you also had to live with them. Husband and wife should not depend on parents, they are a new family.
© DepositPhotos He is not a glutton or a drunkard
“Do not be between drunkards of wine, between satiated meat: because the drunkard and the satiated one become impoverished, and drowsiness will put on rags” (Proverbs 23:20, 21).
Drunkenness and gluttony not only empty the wallet, but also destroy the body and mind. There should be moderation in everything. You need a man who will not surrender to his passions without looking back, but will be able to follow his finances and health.
© DepositPhotos He is wise
“He who communicates with the wise will be wise, but he who is friends with the foolish will be corrupt” (Proverbs 13:20).
The bottom line is that your chosen one can distinguish good from evil and follow the right path. If lying, deceit and irresponsibility are considered normal for him, then this man will not bring you anything good. There is nothing worse than marrying a fool.
© DepositPhotos He will bring you closer to God
“And I will betroth you to Me forever, and I will betroth you to Me in truth and judgment, in goodness and mercy. And I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you will know the Lord ”(Hosea 2:19, 20).
If you believe in the Lord, then your man will follow the righteous path with you, and not turn you away from God. Only such a person can lead a family to God's blessing.
This is how the Bible advises choosing a husband. These tips are wise and valuable, but the choice is the same for you. If your man does not correspond to any of the points, but you know that he can make you happy, that your love is pure and sincere, then maybe this is not so important. Love and be happy!
And what are the secrets of a happy marriage? Share with us in the comments!